Problem Solving – and Puppets

Learn how to guide children through conflict resolution and how to help children learn problem-solving skills. Learn how puppets can help with conflict resolution.

Preschoolers often have problems with sharing and playing together. These problems are great opportunities for children ages three to five to learn to communicate with others. Conflict resolution is a way to teach children these important social skills, which they will need throughout their lives. Children develop confidence when they learn how to solve their problems in a positive and assertive way.

It's normal and natural for young children to have trouble getting along with other people – after all, they are just learning what it means to be a friend. We need to teach children that grabbing, hitting, pushing, and shoving is not the way to solve problems. We want them to use their words, but how do we help children learn how to do this? Part of the answer lies in teaching them conflict resolution skills.

Conflict resolution involves good communication, real listening, and searching for solutions that the children can agree to. This kind of problem solving teaches kids to be creative, rather than falling back on violence to solve problems. Children who are good at solving problems with their friends will be better liked and have the skills that will make them successful at school and in life.

If you think of each time a child has a problem with other children as a chance to learn, you are likely to see many opportunities to teach conflict resolutions skills. While we might try to handle the situation when children are disagreeing, our real job is to help children find their own solutions. The more experience children have with conflict resolution, the better they will be at coping with difficult situations later in life.

When a conflict happens, your job is to facilitate a solution rather than find one. You might come over and say, "Seems like you have a problem." Remember that the original problem is not usually the hitting or hurting, it is the question of how are they going to play with this toy. Put the toy aside while the children talk about the problem. Let each person describe what they think the problem is. Insist on listening carefully with no interruptions, so that each person gets to tell their own side of the story. Put what they say into your own words to check that you really understand. This makes kids better at communicating, and over time it can help make them more accepting of the different sides to every story.

The next step is to say, "What can you do to solve the problem?" Then listen. This is not the time to say that an idea is not a good one. All ideas are valuable. You can get ideas from the children involved in the dispute and from other children who are interested. Coming up with ideas is a very important part of learning to get along.

Once you have some ideas, ask the children to select a solution that they agree to. Most of the time children will be agreeable enough to find a solution. Often children come up with creative solutions, like when Ellen (a child care provider) helped Tyler and Zach solve the problem of sharing the key to a fire truck. Tyler had the idea of putting "magic"; on the key while Zach held it. They were both happy with the idea and got back on track playing together. It wasn't a solution that Ellen would have ever dreamed up, but it was successful.

Sometimes the children are so angry they won't work together; sometimes they have trouble finding a solution they can agree to; sometimes they run out of ideas. At these times, put the toy aside and ask the children to solve the problem later, when emotions aren't running so high.

Often, children agree to solution that isn't a very good idea. One time, two girls decided to share a pair of high-heeled dress-up shoes with one child using one shoe and the other wearing the other. Since it is hard to walk and play with just one shoe, this was not going to be a long-lasting solution. But when the girls began squabbling again, they found a new solution when they discovered another pair of shoes that they could use for dress-up. Don't stop children from trying out a solution, since children can learn even more from their failure.

Puppets are a great way to teach conflict resolution. Young children find puppets very appealing. When you use puppets to model conflict resolution, the children have fun, but more importantly, they can learn when they are calm and relaxed rather than when they are feeling stressed.

You don't need expensive puppets to teach conflict resolution; in fact, a sock puppet, a doll, or a stuffed animal all work just fine. Use a few of the same characters again and again, giving them names. The children will look forward to a visit from their puppet friends.

To create a puppet story, use a real-life problem from your child care. For instance, if yesterday Jesse and Haley had a dispute over a fire truck, use the puppets to act it out. Bring over the fire truck and act out the problem. Two puppets can pull on the fire truck: One says, "I want it!" and the other one says, "No, I want it!" Say to the children, "They have a problem. What can they do?"

Haley and Jesse may share their idea or a story about what happened to them. Other children might have ideas. This is a great time for the children to learn from each other. If you think Haley and Jesse came up with a particularly good solution, you can share it, using the puppets. Or get the children to choose a solution they talked about, then act it out with the puppets, complete with a happy ending. This will help the children feel a sense of completion with your puppet play.

Puppet play is just another way to talk about problems with friends so that the children can learn from each other and find new ways to solve these problems. Using puppets is a powerful way for children to explore conflict resolution. The children gain needed social skills that will help them get along with others throughout their lives.